After receiving some shocking news, my body collapsed due to a really bad case of anemia. Two blood transfusions led to lung failure and pneumonia and pneumonia then led to sepsis. (Sepsis and Pneumonia)
I still remember feeling the worst pain and saying my partner’s name over and over again and “please don’t let me die. I just turned 34 please not yet, not like this.”
The experience has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through and I know not a day will go by that I won’t think of it in some way. One day I was somewhat healthy, trying to live my life, at the hospital just taking care of a bad case of anemia and the next day I was hooked to IVs and with an oxygen mask larger than my face.
There was an exact moment I knew I was going to die, (the little conscious of self I had at that time) I was trying to form sentences calling my partner’s name but my speech was garbled and the words I was trying to say just turned to tears. Everything turned white.
They had to tell my parents that I might not make it. Seeing the eyes of nurses trying to calm me but not being able to because I was also going through the worst heartbreak of my life. After that I was quite literally fighting for my life.
I spent weeks in the ICU in and out of consciousness, low blood pressure, rising fever, swollen arms from IVs, sepsis hallucinations. The hallucinations still haunt me. (Sepsis and Hallucinations)
Dealing with the aftermath I know will be a hard part of it. I know my lungs will never be the same. I’ve lost a lot of my hair and I suffer from severe depression.
Writing helps me clear my mind and maybe hearing parts of my story could potentially help someone. (Thinking back to that it all started from anemia).