Tony R.


Posted on November 2nd, 2018

Shelly/significant other

Still totally heart broken after almost two years. Disbelief, anger, hurt, doubts.

My boyfriend of almost 20 years passed away Dec. 22, 2016. Reported as sepsis among other many other things on his death certificate.

It all started when he was to have his prostate removed in September 2016. Robotic surgery. After a few hours the surgeon told me that they could not remove his prostate due to uncontrollable bleeding. (Sepsis and Surgery)

About 2-3 weeks later Tony literally said to me, “Something’s not right.” He was having pain in his groin area, severe back pain, nausea and couldn’t eat. He went back to the “surgeon”. Was told there was nothing wrong with him. The “surgeon” never ordered any tests at all. Just blew Tony off, more or less.

About a week later Tony’s back pain was only getting worse as was the pain in his groin area. Went to family doctor who said he had a virus. Gave him a prescription and sent him home.

It got to the point that he couldn’t get up. He had severe chills and throwing up. Every time he tried to eat threw it up. He crawled to the bathroom.

Then, at the beginning of December 2016 Tony asked me to call the ambulance. He couldn’t sit up or stand. He was in excruciating pain. It was horrible. He didn’t want to go back to the hospital that the surgeon for the operation was. So we went to a different hospital.

While he was in the ER they ran test after test. Finally, the doctor found a mass in his pelvic area. All we were told was that it was an infection. Tony was moved to a room and a drain tube was inserted to drain the “infection.” On the second or third day I went to see him (which I did every day). His stomach was extremely bloated. None of the doctors or nurses noticed. I was so angry. I got the nurse and showed her. Her response was that she didn’t notice. The nurse called the doctor in. “Said doctor” tapped on his stomach and said he was impacted. No tests, no exam, nothing. This poor man was operated on more times for nothing that I can count! Somehow, when they took Tony in to un-impact him they said that he had blockage in his small intestine. This led to exploratory surgery. Who does that anymore???? After this surgery they said he only had a small “kink”, which they fixed.

They then decided to move him to ICU. Before moving him I helped him to relieve himself as he couldn’t get up. Still excruciating back pain. The urine looked like ice tea with foam on top. I pointed it out to the nurse. It was still sitting there when he was moved. No one looked at it. As far as I know it wasn’t tested.

ICU was a million times worse. More tests after more tests. Tony’s kidney’s shut down. On dialysis. I asked every day if it was sepsis or staph! Every time the answer was no. He was getting weaker and weaker. His heart was fine. His white blood count was fine.

Apparently after one of the surgeries for who knows what he had to be put on a vent. Couple of days they took it off. Dialysis every day. The bed that he was in wasn’t even the type that moved when you move. He had a botched bypass surgery on his leg the year before. It finally healed until he laid there for almost 3 weeks. Clots started forming from him being unable to get up. So they decided to put a screen in near the top of his leg. Apparently, they couldn’t, for whatever reason, go through the groin so they went down through his neck. He had hoses in his neck for the dialysis and now this. Clots in his leg and now getting bedsores.

Off and on a bi pap. Had him so doped up he started seeing things that weren’t there. Then the staff had the audacity to ask me if he always acted this way. My GOD! He was being used as a human guinea pig. And still that stupid drain tube was in. Why couldn’t they figure out what was going on!!!!! Again, I was still asking if it was staph or sepsis and still being told no.

Tony’s daughter, who doesn’t live close, finally made it in. She was here 3 days and finally decided she was tired of seeing him suffer and wanted to take him off of everything. My world crashed. He was my world. We weren’t married so I had no say so. Funny, I sorta did until she showed up.

The staff at this hospital was so screwed up. No one knew what the other one was doing. Everyday it was a different nurse or a different doctor. None of them had a clue. No one would tell me anything of what was going on. I tried. I fought for different doctors. I wanted to move him to a different facility. Not married, no say so. And the immediate family thought it best that he was being taken care of as well as could be. They weren’t there everyday. Getting different answers everyday.

Finally a week before he passed, a nurse told me he had a bacterial infection. Again, I asked if it was staph or sepsis. Again, I was told no. I asked what it was then? The nurse said, and I quote, “Oh, you know those bacterial infections have those long names.” I want to know what it is. The nurse told me she would have to look in the computer. I never found out what they thought it was. (Sepsis and Bacterial Infections)

So, the daughter’s wishes were okay’ed. She and I were told to be there on December 21, 2016 at 9am. That the doctor would have the results from another test out of a million of them. It was 2pm and still no answers. I looked for one of the so called nurses. I found him and asked if the got the test results back. He said yes. Nothing. I said, well? He said what does it matter now? I couldn’t believe it! My heart was torn out. I told him I wanted to know what it was. His answer…….sepsis.

They were told about the extreme chills, nausea, pain and wouldn’t the mass they were draining a clue? And me asking every day if it was sepsis or staph???? What were they running all of these test for over three weeks? Surgeries for god knows what?

When they took him off of the bi pap and taken to palliative care, we were told he wouldn’t last very long. He lived another 12 hours. If he couldn’t breath, like we were told, how does someone hang on that long without assistance.???? And while in palliative, they had him hooked up to morphine which were told to push the button every 15 minutes. Guess what helped to kill him? Tony’s heart was fine. Also listed on his death certificate, heart attack.

Everyday I relive this. Every day!!!! I know he should still be here. I tried so hard. I miss him so much and everyday I blame myself for not fighting harder for him. I wish I would have knew more about sepsis before this happened. My heart is forever broke.

I know without a doubt that this hospital staff has no clue of the symptoms. So very sad.