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Tammy H.

Survivor

I don’t know where to start. I had been stuck having breathing issues for over a month. I had been to the ER, Urgent Care. They both did X-rays, and COVID testing and sent me home saying it was just my asthma. So the day comes. I’m at the laundry mat doing laundry. I’m gasping for breath. The worker asked if I was OK. I said I was fine just needed to get home. I got home used my inhaler, did a breathing treatment, and realized it was only getting worse.

I called my son into the room and told him to call 911. That’s the last I remember. I woke up in ICU. I fought hard completely panicked. They had to tie me down and see the mainline into my neck. I remember almost everything. The same show repeating on the television. The clock showing the same times over and over. I could hear and feel the machine inside of me. I constantly thought I was being held captive. I was never going home. I hallucinated daily. Heard and saw all kinds of crazy things. So after 6 days of this, I’m so weak i can’t hold a Styrofoam cup of water, lift myself, or even roll over. I panicked every time I had the least bit of issue breathing which I still do today.

Here it is almost 1 year later. They still have no idea what happened. I tested negative for everything. Now I have memory issues, severe anxiety and PTSD, and oddly I am hallucinating. (Sepsis and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Sepsis and Hallucinations) I’ll see and hear people out even have a conversion only to realize moments later are not even in the room I thought I was in and no one was around. I’m on tons of medication. My husband doesn’t know how to deal. He says I’ve completely changed and I have. Who wouldn’t?? Some don’t even believe me. I can’t stand thinking about it or talking about it yet is almost always on my mind. I can’t even watch a television show if it does someone intubated. I’m happy I’m alive. I’m grateful my life was saved by a wonderful doctor, yet I don’t know how to live this was. I’m a wreck. I’m afraid I always will be.

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