Mark B.

I woke up in the ward hospital bed after passing out in the E.R., and was delirious plus over the top hot, hot, hot. So I decided to go outside to cool down and have a cigarette. I found my clothes with the smokes in a big plastic bag in the closet, put my pants on with the ‘butt showing’ smock as a shirt, grabbed the slippers, and then walked right out of the ward pushing my IV tree. I headed to the elevator with a ciggie, two bucks, and a Bic.

While entering the elevator, the tiny wheels of the IV stand got caught in the fat crack, I took a hard header squarely into the wall. My teeth instantly went numb, and the door was trying to shut on the now horizontal IV tree. I regrouped and made it to the main floor and outside I went. I was on autopilot.

When the sixth floor nurse who was in charge of me found me, I was outside laying on my back on the soothing cold, cold concrete sidewalk puffing on a Winston. The open back style was functional and all the rage. It was March in Chicago (kids were three months old).

The red faced nurse was over the top mad at me and was ripping me a new one; she unequivocally told me not to move and that she’d be right back.

I’m thinking to myself, No problem sweetie, I couldn’t get up if my life depended on it, and it did.

She came back with two people and loaded me up.

I rolled out of the wheelchair halfway down the first floor hallway and headed back to the elevators. I was two inches away from the nurse’s white shoes, and passed out again. The next thing I remember was waking up on the colonoscopy table complaining at the doctor before I passed out from the pain once more.

After, I vaguely remember I woke missing a couple feet of intestine with the doc saying it’s not cancer (I knew it was from getting pounded on the railroad two+ years prior). I was delirious and septic when I walked into the joint, and hurt my neck diving into the elevator wall; I later got a C-5-C-6 fusion…

Another story…

I TRULY WENT TO HELL AND BACK

I thought I had plenty of intestine; my gut was now fixed and I was very optimistic that I dodged this dicey bullet, until in the middle of the night I woke up on fire with my abdomen blown up like a full term pregnant woman. It took every ounce of what was left in my tank to reach the buzzer to ring the nurse. The doctor rushed into my room and proceeded to rip open my partially healed gut with his hands. This decisive brutal action definitely saved my life. Most doctors deserve every penny. I saw pus fly two feet in the air before I passed out, again.

Next thing I knew I was floating above the bed and could see myself lying there gutted as a deer with a brownish goo of pus and blood all over the nice white sheets.

An ethereal being with a no nonsense countenance firmly grabbed my shoulder and proceeded to take me down a long rough hewn vertical shaft. It stunk, was hot, and the air was void of oxygen. The sounds of anguish and filthy dialogue are indescribable. We hit bottom and were standing in wiggling worms up to my ankles; the stench and heat, oh the stench..

My eyes adjusted in the blackness and caught some movement to the left. What looked like something growing out of the side wall of the cave was a pathetic, defeated looking black angel. It must have been there a long time, as the mineral deposits encased it almost to the elbows. Its arms were together as if it had been handcuffed, its right wing was immobilized and part of the cave wall. It flapped its left wing like an injured bird to try and scoot its body around. It slowly lifted its head, gave us a side glance, and turned away. I actually felt sorry for it.

Demons of every type were flying all around, screaming obscenities and wailing. A three foot diameter snake slithered by for what seemed like forever until it disappeared into the blackness. Then this nasty creature who’d make the Klingon General Martok look good nonchalantly stopped and slammed me against the cave wall before moving on.

I looked up at my tour guide who raised his hand and things went quiet; I could get no air. As I was passing out, I figured I was toast; I saw a shimmer of white on the cave floor and crawled to it. I laid on the cloth and immediately knew I would live. It was a very welcome oasis. I could feel the worms wiggling under the lifesaving barrier.

The angelic warrior entity grabbed me and took me out of the hell hole. He imparted some far reaching knowledge; he headed to the light, and instantly I was back floating above and looking down at my own dead self, when through no effort of my own I re-inhabited the vessel. My teeth were hot.

They told me I was in hospital for an extended time while I can only remember vague incident snippets from two days.
I did receive my last rites. As a nun beaten altar boy, I have to believe it helped; it couldn’t hurt….

Sepsis is a stone cold beast.