Ali Wilson

Survivor

I have been a registered nurse for the past 15 years, the last 5 in surgery. I have seen things happen to the human body that take your breath away, but always on others.

I have rheumatoid arthritis. (Sepsis and Autoimmune Diseases) Various treatments were tried with little help and it was time to try an injectable. I gave myself my first injection in mid October 2013. It worked! I felt like a million bucks!

I had a great day on October 28th, until around 3 p.m. when I developed vomiting, diarrhea and excruciating joint pain. I had chills like I have never seen. My temp jumped to 101. I figured I had a bug or food poisoning? I cannot tell you what in my gut told me to call 911, but something very strong told me not to mess with this.

Paramedics in the fire truck arrived and checked my vitals. They said they could not feel my radial pulse. “What?!?” I said! I knew everything they were doing and what it meant… They kept calling the ambulance to see how far out they were – and to hurry up.

In the ambulance, I saw on the monitor that my BP was 50/30; must be a mistake, I said! He rechecked it with no change and no comment…he was rushing to get two large IVs in me – NOW. (Sepsis and Impaired Immune System)

In the emergency eoom, they were on me immediately. They did everything according to the latest protocol: levophed, steroids, fluids (lots and lots of fluids), and antibiotics. My pressure was coming back up, but then tanked once again. They were able to recover without a code. I spent the next 4 days in ICU, including a PICC line, a Swan-Ganz, CTs, MRIs, and a heart catheterization for good measure (my troponin levels spiked).

My stay had ups and downs, good docs and bad, but I made it out with a few physical changes. No amputations, mostly numbness, tingling and skin discolorations. My biggest hurdle has been the mental scars: the depression, the fear, the mind-boggling fatigue.

My doctors all tell me to not work, especially in medicine anymore with the constant exposure to bacteria. I am trying to get disability, but have been denied twice. I’m now going to court. I will be in bankruptcy soon, especially with a $120,000 hospital bill and my ex employer’s insurance has run out of money to pay my bill.

It is so very hard for others to understand the post illness trauma. It’s not visible, nor do I want to wallow. I do see a therapist, but so far it has not been of much help. I will probably look for another. I don’t want to burden the people around me with this depression. I believe my mentality is based on two things: being a nurse, I know too much. I research. I want to get answers and make it all better. But I can’t. Also, I had two distinct episodes while in ICU. I know that I was on the verge of coding. The second episode, I had told myself to “let go”.

My life will never be the same. I need to find someone who understands what I am going through. No one can unless they have experienced sepsis in some way. I want to be that person that feels they’ve gotten a second chance! A reason to live! Live every day like it’s my last! But I don’t feel that way. I am lost.

But I get up each day, and hope it will be better. I hope disability will come through before my 401K runs out. (Yes, I am having to obliterate my retirement to survive right now). My body feels like it’s really angry is the only way I can describe it; and my mind is scared to death. (Sepsis and Post-Sepsis Syndrome)

But I will get out of bed tomorrow and the days after that. I will try to find meaning as to why I am still here and others are not.

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