Gary Baude

Hi, my name is Gary and I am a survivor of sepsis. In April of this year I was admitted into the local hospital, after passing out in the parking lot of their emergency room. Within 8 hours of being admitted, I experienced complete respiratory failure.

I was intubated and placed in a medically induced coma at that time. They diagnosed pneumonia in my right lung and decided to transfer me to a larger and better equipped ICU located at a hospital in an adjoining town. (Sepsis and Pneumonia) Quickly after arriving at this ICU they determined I was in septic shock. The next two weeks included three occasions that my heart stopped and required shocking me to get it restarted. I lost 35 lbs during this time (and I am not a large man by any stretch of the imagination). The weight loss was devastating and it took months to put that weight back on. As many of you experienced, my time in the ICU was filled with hallucinations that were so “real” they are permanently seared into my memory.

I have been dealing with many issues since returning home from this ordeal. My hands are cold all of the time. If I bump my hands the blood vessels leak, causing unsightly contusions under the skin, until the blood is reabsorbed into my body. I constantly relive, in my mind, various events that occurred while in the ICU, many of which are devastating to me (pain, hallucinations, etc.).

Everyone around me thinks I am doing fine and have fully recovered from the sepsis. They say things like “you are looking great,” or “boy aren’t you glad that is over.” They have no idea of the quiet moments I am setting on the couch and the tears well up in my eyes because I am reliving the nightmare that is sepsis. (Sepsis and Post-Sepsis Syndrome) They do not understand the daily fear I have of developing sepsis again when I have a runny nose or develop a little cough. They do not understand the times when I experience mental lapses, when I cannot explain them myself. All they can say is “you are doing fantastic,” or “aren’t you glad you got over that,” if they only knew the truth…………