Supporting Those Who Lost a Loved One to Sepsis

Whether a death was expected or sudden, when you lose someone you love you may react with sadness, anger, or bewilderment, or perhaps you have no reaction at all. It can take a while to process the information and the reality of what just happened. As time passes, grief can be sneaky. You can think you’re fine one moment, and then a sound, a sight, or a smell can bring the loss back so hard, it feels like a gut punch. Grief has no timeline, no right way, and no wrong way. Everyone experiences grief differently.

The problem with grief is not so much the grief itself, but that many times those around you don’t know how to react. They don’t know what to say or how to say it. As a result, they may say nothing for fear of causing more pain or distress. This leaves those left behind to try to muddle through on their own. In 2014, August 30^th was named National Grief Awareness Day. The observance was created with the hope of raising awareness of how to support people after an overwhelming loss.

Sepsis Deaths

Losing someone to sepsis is devastating. In many cases, the person who died was in good health before they contracted the infection that led to sepsis. No one could see it coming. Anyone can get sepsis. Every year, in the United States alone, over a quarter of a million people die from sepsis – one every 2 minutes. Each year in the U.S., devastated parents, siblings, other family members and friends mourn almost 7,000 children under 18 who died from sepsis, 3 million children die world-wide. All over the world, over a quarter of a million pregnant women or women who recently gave birth die from sepsis, leaving behind a newborn and a broken family.

Carl Flatley coped with his grief by starting Sepsis Alliance after his 23-year-old daughter Erin died from sepsis following a routine elective surgery. “Shortly after Erin died. I wanted people to, ‘REMEMBER ERIN.’ I did not want other parents to go through what we did and still suffer from,” he said. “Starting SA saved my life and continues that now 17 years later. In the early years, I was almost suicidal and sought lots of therapy. Working with SA now is my current therapy and keeps me alive.”

Helping Someone Who Is Grieving

Author Joanne Fink wrote a book called When You Lose Someone You Love after she lost her husband. For National Grief Awareness Day, Fink offers 5 tips for people who aren’t sure how to help someone who has lost a loved one:

1- Realize that you can’t fix this. There isn’t anything you can say or do to bring back the person who died. All you can do is accompany your friend on their grief journey.

2- Don’t worry about finding the right words. Simply saying “I’m so sorry for your loss” and giving a hug can bring great comfort.

3- Create a safe space for your friend to share what’s in their heart. Listen. Don’t judge. Invite your friend to talk about their loss and how it makes them feel, and quietly hand them tissues if they start to cry.

4- Talk about the person who died and don’t be afraid to say their name—it’s music to the ears of their loved one.

5- Remember special dates: Birthdays (both of the person who died and the person you are supporting), anniversaries, and holidays are often grief triggers. Put these dates and the date of death – in your calendar so you can call, text, or send a card. It will make more of a difference than you can possibly imagine.”

We all know that death is a part of life. Losing someone hurts and the pain never leaves completely. It lessens, and thoughts of our loved ones start to bring more smiles than tears. But how long that journey takes depends on each individual and the support they receive. Don’t be afraid to reach out and offer your support. The biggest fear that many people have after a death is that their loved one will be forgotten. “If you are grieving, keep them alive in your mind. Honor their memory any way that helps you cope,” said Dr. Flatley. “I wanted, and still get to this day, emotional support mainly through social media. I keep her alive on there also!”