Susan Merkel
Coming up around a year when I first started feeling sick. I thought it was the stomach virus, throwing up, diarrhea, fever…then the chills and night sweats which were extreme. When my temp got up to 104, I asked my husband to take me to the ER in the middle of the night. My fever went down after meds and IV fluids. I was tested for the flu, negative. Routine blood work up showed slightly elevated liver enzymes. I was released and told to see an infectious disease docotr to follow up.
A few days of being sick, I saw the ID doctor and was sent to get more blood work, a lot! I think I even waited another day to go to the lab. It took another few days before I got the phone call. I was in a bath trying to stay warm and stop shivering. Bacteria was found in the blood, I had sepsis. I asked if I was going to die. The doctor said no. I was relieved and started to say I always overreact…he cut me off and told me I was wasting time, to get to the hospital asap. I will never forget that phrase.
It was a flurry of activity when I got there. Things happened quickly, I was given something to calm me. Strongest antibiotics administered immediately. Many tests, CAT scans, then the echocardiogram. I had a bacterial colonization on my heart valve. It was unusual. I was healthy, not an IV drug user, which I stated over and over and over. It suddenly went from bad to worse. However it turned out my circumstance was the best case scenario in terms of location. If I threw a septic clot, it would go to my lung rather than my brain.
I had a PICC line inserted into my vein to my heart. I cried most days, alone so often, my 2 girls so young, my husband trying to juggle everything. I was finally released after a week. I went on administrating my own specific antibiotics for the streptococcus oralis. Then about 3 weeks into that I had sharp pains in my lungs. Back to the hospital. I had lung clots and pleurisy, and a terrible back spasm on top of it all! Another week hospitalized, my spirits were incredibly low, emotions were all over. I was transferred to a heart hospital in Philadelphia to speak with heart surgeon. I had no idea if I would need open heart surgery or just be sent home to continue treatment as the valve showed still not clear. I went home after all, finished treatments, and was finally cleared by all professionals around my 39th birthday in May.
I now realize I had PTSD after, I was on depression meds and gained 30 pounds. Constant fear…anger at some of the early doctors and even my husband. Feelings of abandonment by my mother and friends for not visiting me. Hair loss. Finally I started to get my act together. I just had an early follow-up with my cardiologist. As far as he is concerned I am cured, I will still need a check-up echocardiogram this May. Coming up on a year has brought up fears and emotions. It is still hard to talk about it all. I will definitely get to a therapist to help with my thoughts and feelings. I am lucky.
