Jules Pusinelli

Survivor

I’m a 35-year-old mum of Miss 2 & Miss 4, from New Zealand but living in Singapore and I had sepsis in December 2016.

I had laser treatment to remove incompetent great saphenous veins in both legs. A procedure that you’re supposed to walk away from less than an hour afterwards. I did not walk away. In fact I did not walk again for 2 weeks.

I woke up from the sedation vomiting green, dizzy with painful contractions in my back. My blood pressure had dropped to 45/25. They waited a few hours to see if I would improve. I looked at my doctor with urgency and said “Ambulance, hospital, now.”

Once in the ward I continued to vomit and I was very weak. That night my temperature rose and I began to shake uncontrollably. In the morning an ultrasound showed my gallbladder may need to be removed. The details become hazy for me now. The diarrhea had started and I did not care that I had a catheter and nappy on. I was sent for a CT scan, which I cannot remember. I was wheeled into the hallway after the scan with my husband at my side and I hear “Sir, your wife is very sick and she must come with me now.” It was the Clinical Director of the Radiology Department who recognised the signs of sepsis.

I was passing in and out of consciousness and turning blue. I do remember opening my eyes briefly to look at my husband, I was not scared, I did not cry, I could not fight. I could see in his eyes that we did not need to say anything to each other, there was so much love shared in that moment. Knowing he would be capable to care for our two beautiful daughters, I let myself slip away. My next memory is in the Intensive Care Unit.

The CT scan showed acute pyelonephritis…a severe kidney infection. They had inserted a PICC line (catheter through my arm into my heart) and I was placed on inotropic support to strengthen the force of my heartbeat. My whole body started contracting and I thought my bones were going to break at the force of it. I felt like I was having a heart attack and my head was going to pop off. I yelled at the nurses to make it stop. This time when I looked at my husband there was total fear. This was scary and my blood pressure was now high enough for me to feel that. I was fighting now.

I spent 7 days in ICU where my platelets dropped (lowest reading 18 with healthy range being 140-460) and I had 2 blood transfusions. My body swelled from the fluid leaking which also entered my lungs. My skin started to visibly break down and I was so weak I couldn’t even help the nurses wash me. My liver and kidney tests were all, of course, “deranged”. I was put on sleeping tablets and Xanax to help my body relax and let the antibiotics do its work.

The glass walls, the constant beeping, and the many needles and tubes. I was not brave, crying like a baby at times and clutching a snuggle bunny my youngest daughter lent me. When they told me I could transfer to the ward I did the ultimate ugly cry at the realisation I would see my daughters.

So how did I get sepsis?

I had a huge weekend before the procedure horse riding in Malaysia, a tropical climate, resulting in an undetected kidney infection. They believe the procedure kicked off the “perfect storm”.

What was the first 3 months like?

A rollercoaster physically and mentally. Extreme fatigue and night terrors. I slept with snuggle bunny for about 2 weeks at home. Skin fell off and hair continues to fall out. (Sepsis and Post-Sepsis Syndrome) At first I was angry at my body and then I started to really respect it. There are many frustrations but also much to be grateful for. It was hard to communicate with people and I still suffer with short-term memory loss but that has shown me how patient and caring other people can be when they are aware that you are struggling.

It’s so important to ask for help. I have a wonderful team! Huge respect to my husband who was recovering from a snapped Achilles tendon at the time. Picture him in a huge moon boot pushing me in a wheelchair.

I’m still trying to put myself back together although I have come a long way. My legs are now fully healed, they were the least of my worries and I understand now I’m lucky to have them. I don’t think my spirit will ever be as carefree but I have mourned my old self and focus on the good days and the strong person I will become.

Why did I write this?

To raise awareness. To help my family and friends understand. To help myself process. Above all, to help other sepsis survivors. Be kind as you never know what someone could be going through.

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